BLESSEDNESS OF SINGLENESS

Everyone, unless self imposed by religious sanctity or desire,  wants companionship and therefore wants to get married and be appreciated by his or her spouse and others around. When this is not accomplished in good time it leads to worries and despairs for those lacking in knowledge.

 A lot of singles facing issues of delayed marriages get worked up and are easily provoked especially when they see their peers and junior ones fully settled with children. The provocation gets to a zenith height when they do a self evaluation and see that they are better placed, better educated, financially better and yet, the issue of marriage is as stubborn as a hunch back.

Surely, this could be a worrisome situation, yet the way you look at it matters. This article focuses on what Marriage is and the blessedness of singleness while it lasted. The period of singleness is a blessing and every yet-to-marry spinster or bachelor should key into it and establish God’s will. This is not a time to get burdened about marriage rather a time to fulfill purpose. Singleness is a time to care for the things of the Lord.

‘But I would have you without carefulness, He that is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband’ 1 Cor. 7:32-34

Have you discovered the purpose for your existence? As a single, are you busy working to advance the kingdom of God on earth? It is in that faithful service area that you will be discovered (located and found). ‘Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the Lord’ Prov. 18:22. Rebecca was found while she was right on her chores with her pitcher. Idleness in business and the things of God will further drive you away from being found by the right person. While your singleness lasted, ensure you use it profitable for the Lord and be holy both in body and in spirit.

Having the right attitude is very paramount and indispensable. Attitude is everything. Rebecca had the right attitude in spite of her stunning beauty. She was well groomed. She loves helping, even strangers. She did not developed that loving attitude that day just because Abraham head servant, Eliezer, placed a fleece on the Lord in order to locate the right wife for Isaac. If she had not had the right attitude, she would have stopped at giving Eliezer water and not going the extra mile in fetching water for the camels. Do you have the right attitude to others? Are you going the extra mile for the sake of the kingdom while still single?

You must be friendly. He that must have friend must first show him or herself friendly. If you are not friendly, people will avoid you. That is why the book of proverbs posits that it is better to dwell at the rooftop than in the house with a brawling woman. As a single, be friendly, be accommodating, and be respectful. These and many others are attributes of a true Christian, whether a spinster or a bachelor.  

Marriage is good and it is advisable to shield you away from committing fornication – lust of the flesh. However, do you really know what marriage is? The time of singleness is the time to seek knowledge about the marriage institution you are planning for. Have you heard that ‘Marriage is a room with a sealed door and without windows”? For a Christian, the door allows you in. The moment you endorsed the dotted line, it is locked and the key disposed out of reach.

While this is not to frighten you, it should drive you to seek understanding. Read books on marriage by Christian authors and learn from their counsels. You will do well. For now, let me draw a line on what a Christian marriage is and what it is not.

1.     Marriage is not courtship 

2.     Marriage is not co-habitation (it is a sin in the sight of God)

3.     Marriage is not a casual relationship

4.     Marriage is not a trip but a non-ending journey

5.     Marriage is not a contract that can be revoked

6.     Marriage is not an institution for babies and teens

7.     Marriage is not a status agenda

8.     Marriage is not a convenient relationship

9.     Marriage is not a tool of manipulation

10.   Marriage is not a boxing ring

11.   Marriage is not addition to the family (leave and cleave)

12.   Marriage is not a divisible object (no putting asunder)

13.   Marriage is not love but tolerance

14.   Marriage is not child bearing

15.  Marriage is not companionship

What then is marriage? Help meet and synergy. Marriage partners are helpers of destiny to one another. Little wonder the period of singleness should be a time of discovery of purpose. As you discover your purpose and you are working at it, you will surely find the help meet for the attainment of that purpose. For instance, if you are a singer, a man who does not love songs and singers will tend to avoid you but you will be attracted to one who loves music and would be willing to support your music ministry. Deep called unto deep.

Marriage is for the couple to complement one another. God created Adam and gave him purpose – tending the Garden of Eden. Eve was made that she should fulfill a cogent need which Adam had – a help meet. Eve was made out of Adam, hence one plus one in God’s mathematics is one. The two must come together to form a synergy. Two are better than one for they obtain a better reward for their labour. One shall chase one thousand and two shall chase ten thousand – what a synergy! Furthermore, if one falls, the other is there to lift him or her up but woe is he or she that abides alone.

No human being is perfect. We keep working on our imperfections till Christ comes. When this is known, we will be able to accommodate one another shortfalls in marriage including a state of unfaithfulness and infidelity because love covers a multitude of sins (imperfection).

When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. As you seek knowledge to establish what marriage is, you get better prepared for the non-ending journey tagged marriage. It is my sincere desire that you will not make a shipwreck of your marriage. It is better to marry late than rush into it inadvisably. Use your singleness to establish your life purpose; marriage will flow in naturally. God will order the footstep of the bone of your bone to you and you will surely have the Aha effect as Adam did. The word of God says ‘…no one of these shall fail, none shall want (lack) her mate’ Isaiah 34:16. So be rest assured and cease from worrying, God is on the throne – just be receptive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and Experience Peace!